I've been wanting to post now for a few days but haven't because there is so much to say, so much catching up that needs to done that it overwhelms me.
I will make this long story as short as I can.
First before I even begin I want to thank you for your prayers and healing thoughts. Each one held a special magic for me, helping me gain strength and keep hope. I treasure each kind word and hold onto them as I go forward now.
After my last post, I became very ill. I will leave out the details as they involve things like spurting blood and pain. There was also however lots of praying, asking for guidance. I can tell you about the vivid dreams I was having then about a woman, a Native American woman, elderly and beautiful, with thick gray braids, who would come to me hold my hand. We were always in a small dark curved roofed room, light coming from an opening to my right. I don't recall us ever talking. We would sit facing one another on the dirt floor and she would pass me a piece of fabric with red stitches. Each time it was the same. At first, I took it to mean that I should explore more my creative side with fabrics. Then as I grew sicker I wondered at a deeper meaning. I thought that maybe the stitches, segemented as they were in a line, represented painful events in my life. Then in a final dream of her, I recall trying to remove the threads, but wasn't able to do it alone. I grew frustrated and wanted to give up. I asked her for help. It was then I noticed others in the tent with us. Suddenly I knew that to be healed I had to remove the threads. And I had to ask for help outside myself.
I awoke the next morning and told my husband (my angel, I do swear he is) we needed to move forward with our plan B of cancer treatment That plan being the William Hitt center in Tijuana, Mexico. So that dear ones is where I have been. We loaded up the Tahoe (thank you to the loan from my mother-in-law) with my juicer and water alkaliner and all things good and set out on our journey across the US. Our temporary home became a hotel in San Ysidro, California and I had my first treatment on March 2.
My doctor is an amazing man and the clinic is a special place. I took treatments there for 2 weeks, followed by a mastectomy. The surgeon (also an amazing man) had to take muscle and skin from my stomach. (He even had to stirich me a new belly button) Many days of healing, many days of not being able to walk upright or move my right arm. Then back to the Hitt center for more treatments. The last week or so there I was able to walk. Mostly upright even. I can not even begin to describe the joy of being able to walk without help, to be outside and feel the sun, to go for a ride, to sit in a restaraunt!
Gradually I began to think like my old self again. I made friends. I did my first creative thing-I made a "found poem" and then embroidered a cloth napkin. My arm was healing, but slowly. I could not do things that involved a lot of movement but I could hold my arm close to my side and stitch. That brought me much joy but still, I grew more homesick by the day.
You all know I missed my sweet sweet Olivia. I have never known pain like that. I arrived home a few weeks ago. I have held her every chance I can and have caught up with most, but not all, of my dear friends here.
I know there is still healing to do. I may need another surgery in 3-4 months. I take several fistfuls of pills each day and am getting back into my other alternative treatments. I will be going in for blood work and monitoring.
But all is well. I get impatient at times, am tired a lot of the time still and miss the full use of my arm, but I am grateful to be here, writing this update to you.
Each day is better than the one before. And I am looking forward to more and more days, more chances to be good to someone, to paint or write or just sit and be, more opportunities to give and receive LOVE.
Thank you for your visit here today.