5.09.2009


I've been wanting to post now for a few days but haven't because there is so much to say, so much catching up that needs to done that it overwhelms me.
I will make this long story as short as I can.
First before I even begin I want to thank you for your prayers and healing thoughts. Each one held a special magic for me, helping me gain strength and keep hope. I treasure each kind word and hold onto them as I go forward now.
After my last post, I became very ill. I will leave out the details as they involve things like spurting blood and pain. There was also however lots of praying, asking for guidance. I can tell you about the vivid dreams I was having then about a woman, a Native American woman, elderly and beautiful, with thick gray braids, who would come to me hold my hand. We were always in a small dark curved roofed room, light coming from an opening to my right. I don't recall us ever talking. We would sit facing one another on the dirt floor and she would pass me a piece of fabric with red stitches. Each time it was the same. At first, I took it to mean that I should explore more my creative side with fabrics. Then as I grew sicker I wondered at a deeper meaning. I thought that maybe the stitches, segemented as they were in a line, represented painful events in my life. Then in a final dream of her, I recall trying to remove the threads, but wasn't able to do it alone. I grew frustrated and wanted to give up. I asked her for help. It was then I noticed others in the tent with us. Suddenly I knew that to be healed I had to remove the threads. And I had to ask for help outside myself.
I awoke the next morning and told my husband (my angel, I do swear he is) we needed to move forward with our plan B of cancer treatment That plan being the William Hitt center in Tijuana, Mexico. So that dear ones is where I have been. We loaded up the Tahoe (thank you to the loan from my mother-in-law) with my juicer and water alkaliner and all things good and set out on our journey across the US. Our temporary home became a hotel in San Ysidro, California and I had my first treatment on March 2.
My doctor is an amazing man and the clinic is a special place. I took treatments there for 2 weeks, followed by a mastectomy. The surgeon (also an amazing man) had to take muscle and skin from my stomach. (He even had to stirich me a new belly button) Many days of healing, many days of not being able to walk upright or move my right arm. Then back to the Hitt center for more treatments. The last week or so there I was able to walk. Mostly upright even. I can not even begin to describe the joy of being able to walk without help, to be outside and feel the sun, to go for a ride, to sit in a restaraunt!
Gradually I began to think like my old self again. I made friends. I did my first creative thing-I made a "found poem" and then embroidered a cloth napkin. My arm was healing, but slowly. I could not do things that involved a lot of movement but I could hold my arm close to my side and stitch. That brought me much joy but still, I grew more homesick by the day.
You all know I missed my sweet sweet Olivia. I have never known pain like that. I arrived home a few weeks ago. I have held her every chance I can and have caught up with most, but not all, of my dear friends here.
I know there is still healing to do. I may need another surgery in 3-4 months. I take several fistfuls of pills each day and am getting back into my other alternative treatments. I will be going in for blood work and monitoring.
But all is well. I get impatient at times, am tired a lot of the time still and miss the full use of my arm, but I am grateful to be here, writing this update to you.
Each day is better than the one before. And I am looking forward to more and more days, more chances to be good to someone, to paint or write or just sit and be, more opportunities to give and receive LOVE.
Thank you for your visit here today.
Blessings,

21 comments:

Regina said...

Praise God for this good news. I will pray you continue to heal and recover.

smith kaich jones said...

The Universe moves in mysterious ways. I just this moment finished posting about a friend who believes her life is not a real life, a friend who is a 3-time cancer survivor - while writing that post, I was listening to the wild, cheering sounds of the annual Susan Komen Race for the Cure taking place right outside my door. And then I find this - this wonderful, heartbreaking post of yours. I am so thankful for your good news, though so sorry for the road you had to travel for that news. Bless you.

Take care.
:) Debi

Angela Recada said...

I have followed your blog for quite a while as a link in my blog, but didn't want to intrude during this difficult time you've been having. I wish you all the very, very best. My thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey to healing.

Best wishes, always,
Angela

Tracy said...

May you continue to heal, grow stronger, and live your creative life to the fullest! Many blessings...

Susan said...

Tricia, I have been thinking of you often, but also wanted to give you your space. My heart aches at what you have been dealing with. You know that I am only a phone call away if you or Olivia or K. need anything, and I mean anything. I love you.

Susan

Valaine said...

God bless you Tricia!!! You are in my heart! You are so strong, so beautiful, so brave. It is so good to see a post from you. You are an amazing woman. Thank God you are back to your Olivia :) It is so wonderful to know that you are.

Pilar said...

Tricia,

You are in my thoughts and prayers. May the Goddess hold you in Her arms and give you strength!
xoxoxoxo
pip

littlescrapsofmagic said...

Welcome home. I have checked your blog frequently, hoping for news, but didn't want to intrude. I will keep you in my prayers and send you healing thoughts.

paris parfait said...

You are very brave and so much stronger than you once imagined. I wish you continued strength on your road to healing and much joy and bliss with Olivia and your husband, family and friends. xo

bridgette said...

Dearest Tricia, I am so happy to hear from you. You have been in my thoughts often these past few months. I hate that there's been so much pain and uncertainty, but I am glad that you went and got the help you needed to get well. I too wish you continued strength, love, courage and faith on your path to full recovery.
much much love, bridgette

Jo Wholohan said...

im so hapy to hear you are on the mends dear tricia, wishing you much love jo xx

Relyn said...

Tricia,

Thank you for this update. For opening your heart and experiences to us in this way. I am glad to know how you are and how best to pray. Please know that I will continue to pray for your healing. Love, Relyn

penny patten said...

Tricia, It's so nice to hear you are healing,and getting better. We will continue to pray for that full recovery for you. Lovely poem! Love, Penny

vintage moon studio said...

Oh sweet girl - you are never far from my thoughts... I am so sorry you have this journey to face but know that you are not alone. Sending love, sending strength, sending hope. xox Deb

debra cooper said...

I am sooo glad to hear that you are healing and are feeling stronger. I've stopped by from time to time thinking of you and have worried a bit. It is so hard to go through these things but to come out on the other side with a renewed sense of gratitude and pleasure at the small things is priceless. You may need to remind me of that when it's my turn ;-)

Garden Painter Art said...

I honestly don't have any words right now. I am speechless. I do want you to know that I've been checking your blog often and am so happy to see you are back.

Kim
Garden Painter Art

eb said...

so grateful to hear you are healing
you have visited my thoughts often
you are a beacon of strength and beauty - thanking you for posting
and sending you joyful love...

xox - eb.

Melanie said...

So glad you are on the mend. Thanks for sharing with us and reminding me how much we need to appreciate the little things in life.

tina's space said...

Sorry to hear about this painful, scary journey. Wishing you healing thoughts and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

allison said...

I discovered your blog of 'oh so many days and years', just as I 'began' my blog. I was so inspired by all you do, and your lovely little one.
And then you went away, I didn't even know you, and I cried because of what you were now living through.
I checked in on you now and then and was sad that you were gone. And just now I clicked on you again and there you are, beautiful and creative and living and sharing yourself with us again.
Thank you
Thank God
You are in my heart and prayers now and probably forever!??

I've thought since I first read your words and saw your work...what a wonderful gift you have created in your 'blog' place, for your daughter to always know you...

That we all should have such a beautiful record of our life.

cate said...

I was lead to your blog by finally reading an old issue of Artful Blogging buried on my desk. I am grateful for your honesty and very inspired by all I see. May your gifts come back to you a thousand-fold!

I have had many severe health issues, too, and am in the middle of another one. But what I wanted to share is that I have had dream visits from indigionous women that have showed me that I am not alone. so wonderful that they seemed more real than illness!

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