It has been a long long while since I sat here at the computer holding the intention of wanting to share a part of my life. It was so easy in the past to tell you about a new art project or a special memory made with Olivia but when it comes to the more sensitive subjects I am often at a loss. My quietness here came first because I couldn't keep up a smiling front to blog readers while in reality feeling scared and unwell. And I discovered that the more unwell I began to feel the more I retreated, like an injured animal going deeper into her cave.
Then a few days ago I started thinking about the blog again. I was missing the connections made here. When sweet Relyn linked to a post of mine and several more kind folks left comments I knew it was time to come out of my hiding.
OK. Well. Here it is...
I am on a journey of healing like I have never been on before. (deep breath) A journey that was shown to me the day a biopsy revealed an aggressive breast cancer. But no worries, I tell everyone. After much research and prayer, I have chosen what I believe in my heart to be the best path for me and that is one that does not include conventional medicine but one of building a super-strong immune system. A macrobiotic diet, energy medicine, many herbs, juicing, acupuncture, chiropractic, meditation, yoga, therapeutic grade essentials oils. Quantum healing. (Have you ever seen the movies You Can Heal Your Life or What the Bleep Do We Know)All kinds of good things in my arsenal. And I have come now to a place where I am feeling like a warrior and thankful for this new direction my life is taking me, for the lessons learned, for the strength I am finding in myself. A good friend described the healing of this cancer as only a chapter in the book of my life. I liked that. A short chapter though hopefully, as sometimes the news will still hit me fresh all over again and I will have to work pretty hard to get to a positive place, to my peaceful warrior place. Most days though I feel strong and sure and filled with love and for that I am grateful.
For so long I have preached to others about the healing power of art and finally I am creating again. Shew. I was beginning to worry that the numbness and rejection of my art supplies was permanent. For weeks there was nothing, now thankfully a few words, however stumbling, are finding me, my tongue, my heart is loosening. Finally I can add art to the list of good things I am doing to lead me back to wellness.
Sooooo, now that my news is out I think I can go back to being just me, not me hiding cancer so no one will feel sorry for me, or me without a voice. Just me who likes the feeling of being a part of this special communnity of sweet, intelligent, artsy women.
My time at the computer is brief these days so please forgive me if I am slow to be in contact. I promise to be in touch soon.