Today I woke up in a wonderful joyous mood so imagine my surprise when as I was getting the honey from the pantry I burst into tears and stayed there sobbing for a good long while. It just hit me how much I miss my stepfather, Ray, who passed away last year. I was taken by surprise at this wave of fresh emotion. The trigger must be stemming from the fact that last night mom got a contract on their home that has been for sale since his passing. She did not want to be there without him. I can see why though if it had been me I would have stayed because I hold tight to things. We are just different that way.
Last night I was on a high of sorts. See, mom had this running list of things she wanted to do for me when the house sold. A new gutters and roof for our home. Fixing my car (a 1985 mercedes named Abigail--oh, the poor thing needs so much work--you can hear me coming a mile away!) and books from Amazon. Maybe even some art supplies! Yippee! All of these goodies! That was my focus last night. I am ashamed almost to admit this.
Then this morning I asked my husband a question. He is a realtor who is helping my sister, another realtor, the one who has the house listed. I asked him if my sister mentioned whether or not the couple had any children. He said he did not know, kissed me and left for work.
That is when I ended up in the pantry in tears. I was a child there. They bought the house because I threw such a fit over it. They wanted another trailer. I had lived in a trailer too long and just wouldn't do it again I said. I would run away. They would never see me again. Ray bought the house, though looking back I know it must have been tight for them financially. He was a good man who asked for nothing in return except that I was happy, good, honest person. He taught me that I was worth something. I had not heard that before.
My life is so different because of him. If mom had stayed with my dad our spirits would have continued to be beaten down. There was so much pain. Then Ray came along and was such a bright positive wise light.
Today I am so very thankful for my time with him. I am doing my best to release the house and to think of the special memories that will be made there by this new family. I know that the selling of the house is a blessing for mom. I do, really and truly, hope that there are children so they can play and explore there as I once did.
Shew, crying can really leave us drained, can't it. I have to get it together, get off this computer. We have a homeschool family coming soon and I have pizza dough to get started on.
And a house to Swiffer. :)
Is there someone that you are missing today?