Detox--Day 3

My mood has been this crazy up and down ride since starting the detox. I have never been on a roller coaster but I imagine is it like that. Sometimes I am totally fine. Yesterday I sat with friends while they ate lunch and I wasn't a bit unsettled. I nibbled my phi plus and sipped my water. Satisfied to the fullest. When I am alone in the house or when it is just Livi and myself it is the most difficult for me. I didn't realize the extent of my emotional eating habits and not being able to reach for that comforting bit of chocolate or that soothing and uplifting cup of tea with agave and cream leaves me in a difficult place. So what do I do? I pace and I pace. Really. I am going to leave a visible path on our hardwoods. Finally after a while of stewing over the fact that I have made this decision, that no one is making me do a detox, that I chose to start this, then I make myself write in my journal. There is a part of me that doesn't want to, that doesn't want to change. Too uncomfortable, my mind is saying to me.
The small bit of journalling I have done has really brought to the surface things that have been repressed for a while. I wrote about having to eat all the things on my plate as a child in order to not get a spanking. I even wrote about Olivia's birth experience which I had not been able to write about before. So, with this detox, I am having toxins exit my body (at least I am assuming that is why my urine is so funky!---sorry, probably too much info*!) and also some bad experiences I have been holding on tight to are leaving as well. Maybe at the end of this detox I will have a little ceremony where I burn all of my journal pages, releasing the words totally from my life. That thought feels very freeing.
The comments left to me on the last post got me through to this morning. Truly. If I had not posted about this detox journey then I am embarrassed to say that I might have called it quits last night. I was tired from waiting around at the studio where Livi takes dance. The children are there every night this week except Friday rehearsing for the Snow White ballet on the 3rd. Olivia is a bunny. The rehearsal was from 4-6:30 and I was right across the street from the coffee shop that makes my favorite chai latte. Grace's Pizza is next door and Pop's ice cream is around the corner. OMG! I was a grump when we got home. I told Livi that Mommmie needed a time out and I went upstairs, threw myself across the bed and cried. Silly now to write about it but I did. I bawled! All because I was tired and not hungry, but wanting. But wanting what I don't know. I wasn't physically hungry. Then I got up and walked on the treadmill. The deal is with this detox plan you have to walk 1 hour each day. The walk helped but I was still doubtful of my ability to see this through to day 13. I decided to just go to bed because I couldn't stand myself anymore.
Well, I woke this morning with a whole new attitude. See---up and down with the emotions. I am thinking that I can do this now. I am not sure if it was my imagination but I think there was a little less of the joint pain this morning. My right shoulder is cooperating and my fingers aren't as stiff. I am only 35. I shouldn't feel so achy should I?
So. My attitude is good. Today I feel very grateful for the detox. That is my focus for the day. Gratitude. We all have things to be grateful for right? No matter what we may be going through.
And I think it is like what Bridgette is saying in this post, "What gives us such a struggle makes the end worthwhile? " Thank you, Bridgette, for those words. I think I will write them on a piece of paper to tape up somewhere in the house so I can read them if I start the pacing again. :)
My art table, unused for a few days, and my big glass of water are calling me. I am hoping to get some art time in so I will have things to share. Have a wonderful day! Thank you for stopping by.


Jeanne said...

Tricia, I know you can do this. Be strong. Your post sounds so much like me when I am trying to stay on a diet (which I should probably start right about now!) Bridgette's post is oh so true. And yesterday I was listening to a CD by The Fray and I heard a lyric along those same lines - "Sometimes the hard thing and the right thing are the same." Funny, cause I had just written it down to use in a collage. Good luck and know that all us blogging buddies are here for you.

amy said...

Good job on the detox. I admire you being able to do it longer than 6 hours. That's how long I lasted on a fast my husband does every Spring. He eats juices and fruit and then nothing but juices for three days then works into the potato and cabbage. He swears it "cleans" out his body and afterward he feels better. It's nice that you are also sort of emotionally cleansing yourself too!

Susan Tuttle said...

Hi Tricia,
You are such a beautiful, real, raw, courageous soul! Your post was so very moving--you can do it! I am so inspired by your tenacity!

Thank you so much for sharing your journey.


Jamie said...

Tricia, I went to the Wholefood site and they have some great information. I will be going back to visit more. Thank you for sharing your experience with such openness and emotion. You can do this and we will be here cheering you along the way. Love, Jamie

bridgette said...

hey tricia- glad that my post helped you in some way. What you are doing is hard. So try not to beat yourself up too bad about it when you are struggling. I couldn't do it!!

It's interesting to see how we relate emotionally to food.

Hang in there! Just take it one day at a time. Each moment is a victory even if you don't make it to the full 13 days.

karin said...

Good luck with your detox as well as your journey! Karin @ creativechaos

Judy said...

Keep it going tricia, you can do it, just think off all the bad things you are flushing out of your system especially all the toxic emotions from the past - thay are the most important for you and the future. We are all behind you!!!

Miss*Laurence said...

Tricia, it will get easier as your "cravings" disappear, I think writing down these bad experiences and then burning them will be absolutely right! Calming your body and calming your mind are very much the same, you can't do one without the other. And to kill the need to pace up and down to avoid temptations, I'd borrow a bike and cycle around a bit ( with my camera)!

Chelise said...

I am really blown away by those of you who are capable of detoxing.

I had to fast for ten hours to get some blood tests, and of course most of that fasting occurred while I was sleeping.

Needless to say I was absolutely delirious and about ready to scratch someone's eyes out without my morning cup of coffee.

My hats off to you.

Hang in there and keep inspiring us!

xo - Chel

Amanda said...

Thank you for sharing your journey. Hopefully you will inspire others to do the same. When the day gets rough, just remember how far you have come, and that tomorrow is another day. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Tricia......your posts are always so honest and i love them. Hang in there. I know you can succeed at this :o)

Tootie said...

You Go Girl! You can do it! Think of detoxing as a process.....just like art....you work throught it.

celeste said...

i am near the tail end of a different, but extremely effective detox program also. it was hard, but *remarkable* how quickly my body shifted to so much health - and i was pretty healthy i thought before (no meds, only checkups at the dr, that kind of thing). sugar, dairy, gluten - gone! and i think if it wasn't for all the allergens in the air around me, i'd be completely sneeze free! i'm on day 20 (phase 1 of re-entry in my program) and so committed because of how great i feel. great to read another creative person having gone through this too!