12.21.2006

Self Portrait Challenge-RED

click here to go to the self-portrait challenge web-site.

I really want to challenge myself and self portraiture is a challenge for me in many ways. I don't like pictures of myself. I don't usually spend a long time in front of a mirror. On this night I did. My husband, who used to be in a rock-a-billy band playing guitar and singing, had a sort of reunion gig and I wanted to get all ...different. I go around in a pony tail and just try to match on a typical day. On this night I wanted to fit in I guess. When the people who knew me in those bands days years ago think of me they probably think skinny...cause I was only 105 pounds then. (I am only 5 feet 1 inch.) Now I am 141. Big difference and I am sooo self-conscious about it. I was also a blond. That was when I worked outside the home and could afford salon stuff. I actually like being a brunette and wouldn't change that. It's just that I am so different now. On the inside too I have changed. I feel as if I have purpose and I am in love with being a mom. On this night though I just wanted to look good and wear black to look skinny. Doesn't that sound so bad? superficial? That I cared what anyone else was thinking. It's the truth though. See, when I met my hubby he was overweight by about 40 pounds. He has lost it all and looks fabulous...I gained the amount he lost! I am working on it though...
Anyway, I went. My friend, Lucia, went with me. We drank cokes together and I had a good time. I had worried for nothing cause everyone was so nice. Kelly and I went after the show to IHOP with the drummer and his wife Melissa. They are the nicest people you could ever meet. We had fun just talking and they are parents too so we actually talked about kids and I loved it!It was 4:48 in the morning when my head hit the pillow and I woke up a few days later with a crick in my neck that lasted for three days....I realized that I am not cut out for that life anymore and I am thankful that reunion gigs don't happen often!

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